Rather than
“Pay it back”
As if love were a loan,
We need to “Pay
it forward”
To share the love we’ve been shown.
In the recent movie Pay It Forward (now on video), we see how one young life can impact many others.
When a middle school social studies teacher (Kevin Spacey) gives an assignment to “impact the world,” only Trevor (Haley Joel Osment) takes it seriously. He knows he can’t change the world by himself, so the young boy sets out to change three lives. After helping them out, Trevor tells each of them to “pay it forward” to three more.
Pay It Forward is rated PG-13 for mature thematic elements including substance abuse/recovery, some sexual situations, language, and brief violence. The movie is 122 minutes long.
The movie has a tragic ending and discusses child abuse and other heavy topics. As with any movie that’s rated above “G” and could elicit a strong emotional response, I suggest you preview the movie yourself—yes, even for your teenager—, and watch the movie with your son.
Boys are not generally “in touch with their emotions” by nature. I have found with my foster sons (many of whom have experienced great trauma in their lives) that conversations during and after a movie are often more revealing and significant than at any other time. Sometimes we’ll pause the movie to talk, and often it takes several days to finish one movie—we don’t watch a lot of TV.
One way you can be pretty sure you’ll like the movie: Most of the critics hated it. What I saw as a simple yet profound way of impacting the world (by touching three lives), critics saw as a “sentimental pyramid scheme”.
I believe community service—reaching out to others—is a vital and fulfilling skill with rewards both for the one being served and for the person doing service. I have found that in serving others we grow in self-esteem and confidence, and we find that as our love flows to others, there is even more love to give.
Love is not a pond
That must be conserved or protected.
Love is a river
That will flow or stagnate.
As you are able, you might provide your son opportunities to “pay it forward”. Perhaps he cannot pull weeds for the elderly woman next door, but he could read to her, or spend 20 minutes listening as she recounts the joys of her youth. Maybe your boy could tutor younger children, or encourage other kids at Children’s Hospital, even as he’s been encouraged. In past years, a teenager with Duchenne was the PA announcer at our high school’s basketball games and other sporting events. There are all sorts of ways to serve individuals and our community. There are many ways to “Pay It Forward”.